Phil’s Notes & Tidbits

“Thank you for helping (us) prepare for our wedding day & marriage, and for helping us understand how God is with us during it all.  It feels good knowing that the Church cares about us and keeping our forthcoming marriage healthy and strong.” 

The above was received as a thank you note from a couple married at St. Peter’s.    

St. Peter’s spends more time preparing couples for marriage then most parishes.  The couples have 4  – hour long  sessions with me in which we cover everything from the Church’s teachings on marriage to the practical skills and communication that help a marriage to flourish.   The couples then attend a retreat weekend organized by the deanery.  We also have large group sessions for all the parish engaged couples.  Finally, the couples take an online course in NFP (Natural Family Planning.)  In addition, the couples have a total of 4 meetings with the pastor which covers the FOCCUS Test, a prenuptial questionnaire and of course planning the actual ceremony.  The whole Marriage Prep Checklist which couples are given can be found on the parish website.  

About 5 years ago, an effort was undertaken to strengthen the parishes’ marriage preparation program.  Everyone knows the dire statistics on divorce and we want to ensure we do everything possible to prevent that from ever happening to the couples who approach the altar at St. Peter’s.  The vast majority of couples appreciate the efforts on their behalf as indicated by the note above.  I recall last year a couple who was going through the process. They shared with me a conversation with a friend about the marriage preparation process.  The friend expected they would be dreading all the steps they had to take to get married here.  The soon to be groom instead told his friend how much he was enjoying it and how much it was strengthening his and his fiancees’ relationship!

“The family that prays together, stays together.”  As we celebrate Valentine’s Day this week, here’s a prayer I give to couples and encourage them to pray daily.  I first discovered this prayer when my wife and I got engaged—and it’s a prayer we’ve prayed every night since. 

Prayer of Spouses for Each Other

Lord Jesus, grant that I and my spouse may have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another’s weaknesses and grow from each other’s strengths. Help us to forgive one another’s failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self.

May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection. Amen.

God bless you!

Phil Lawson

Director of Catechesis & Evangelization

Phil’s Notes & Tidbits

                        Renewing Marriages

            Last Saturday, with a little encouragement from my wife, we attended the marriage renewal retreat held at Saints Peter & Paul Parish in Wisconsin Rapids.  Dr. John Buri from the University of St. Thomas was the featured speaker.  Some 60 people, ranging from the very young to more mature couples were in attendance.  The retreat was fruitful both personally—after all we never stop growing and learning in our marriages—and professionally for St. Peter’s.  At the parish we’re always trying to better prepare couples for the life-long commitment they’re embracing.  In fact, I had attended a conference hosted by Dr. Buri several years ago, and subsequently implemented a few of his resources into St. Peter’s Marriage Preparation Program. 

            Dr. Buri’s final presentation stressed 5 keys to a successful marriage which I’d like to pass along here.  He listed the points in reverse order:

            5. Servant:  Be a servant.  Don’t just serve because you have to, but because it is a gift to your spouse and an investment in your marriage and your ultimate happiness.  How much are you willing to invest in each other?

            4. Growth:  Couples who are willing to grow and change to become better people have more successful marriages.  It is not helpful to view marriage as finding “soul mate” and living “happily ever after”.  Both husband and wife must be willing to grow and so become better people together.  Each spouse is called to help the other be the man or woman Christ is calling them to be.

3. The two of you and God are entwined (3).  Dr. Buri is a psychologist by training. He stated that there is not one study anywhere which shows a negative relationship between religiosity and marriage. When God is present it is always a positive for the marriage. As each spouse grows closer to Christ and becomes more Christ-like, the spouses grow closer together.

2. We—the two become one.  The two “me’s” become a “we”.  Always take equal responsibility for actions, never speak ill of your spouse or “throw them under the bus” as he said.  (i.e. You can’t go to the party because Dad said so; rather your Father and I decided you can not go.).  He also emphasized forgiveness here—stating that good marriages are the union between “2 forgivers”.

1. Gratitude.  He said, nothing predicts love better than gratitude.  He suggested an activity which studies have shown to be very helpful.  Couples who spend 10-15 min a night journaling about specific things that they appreciate about their spouse and to reflecting on what life would be like without them for 1 ½ months, have a much greater love for each other and happier marriage than they did prior to the journalling.  In fact, one study took a group of marriages, statistically ranked in the bottom 20% for love and happiness and had them do just that.  They later followed up with those same couples and found that 85% rated their marriage as “very happy.” 

Dr. Buri has a website if you’d like more resources or information:  http://personal.stthomas.edu/jrburi/                     

                        God bless you!

                        Phil Lawson

                        Director of Catechesis & Evangelization

Congratulations on your engagement!

Scheduling Your Wedding at St. Peter Church

Couples who want to request the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony should contact the Pastor at the time of formal engagement or at least six months prior to the anticipated date of the wedding. Couples are required to participate in a two-fold marriage preparation program: the Stevens Point Deanery-based group course and our parish-based six-session program. An overview of the process is listed below:

• An initial meeting with the Pastor
• Parish-based preparation program, consisting of meetings with the Director of Catechesis and Evangelization (Phil Lawson)
  • 4 individual sessions and 2 large group sessions
• Natural Family Planning (NFP) Course
• FOCCUS TEST
• Deanery Engaged Couples Retreat Weekend (Contact Deacon Art and Kathy Schaller (715) 592-3692 to register or call Saint Peter Parish Office for Brochure.)
• Meet with the pastor to review FOCCUS Test results
• Meeting with the director of Sacred Music (Patrick Burkhart) to discuss wedding music
• Final meeting with Pastor to go over the Wedding Ceremony

Also, when one of the parties is not a Catholic or is a non-practicing Catholic, the couple must arrange for a course of instruction in the Catholic faith. Weddings are not normally celebrated during the seasons of Advent and Lent. Contact the parish office at (715) 344-6115 for more infomation.

For more information about the Diocesan Marriage Preparation program, and locations and dates of program offerings throughout the diocese, see the information posted by the Family Life Office.