7-17-07

Greetings!

A growing body of literature has been re-emphasizing the virtues of masculinity and manliness in the context of raising boys. Of course, now having my own little boy—who tried jumping off the porch during the day and later did a summer-salt off the bed---further heightens my interest. Included below are 2 stories that talk about raising boys.

For a number of years, it seemed society was advocating a "gender-neutral" arrangement…i.e. treating boys and girls the exact same. News flash—it doesn't and indeed, didn't work. Both genders have particular gifts and needs, as any parent can attest too.

Enjoy the articles below and happy parenting!

Phil's Tidbits:

Boys to Men

TONY WOODLIEF

Raising three sons has helped me appreciate the masculine virtues.

I think Father's Day ought not to be a celebration of every man who managed to procreate, but instead a time to honor those increasingly rare men who are actually good at fathering. But what makes a good father? This question holds more than philosophical interest for me. Though my father left when I was young, and my stepfather found me uninteresting, I now have three sons of my own (ages 7, 5 and 2). Not knowing any better, they think I have fatherhood figured out. They believe Father's Day is rightly my day.

Judging by the greeting cards, Father's Day is like a Sabbath for many men, a day Dad puts his feet up. I think the Almighty was able to rest one day a week because he had just the two kids, only one of whom was male. I could really use a restful Father's Day, but recently I found my sons huddled over a book on traps, which makes me fear that they're planning for my gift to be something live. Already this spring they've captured a snake, a bullfrog and at least one deadly spider. While other men think about golfing or napping tomorrow, I'm praying I can weather the day without getting bitten.

There's more than a little irony in the fact that I have three sons. I'm not what you'd call a master of the manly arts. I can't start a fire without a match, or track a deer, or ride a horse. I don't know how to fix cars, and my infrequent forays into home repair usually necessitate medical attention. But these are the things little boys want to learn—I remember wanting to learn them myself. Or maybe it's that boys yearn to do things with fathers, and those things usually involve a little danger. A new wildly popular book of essential boy knowledge recognizes this in its title: The Dangerous Book for Boys. My oldest has dog-eared nearly every page.

I'm allergic to most danger. I get a stomachache at the thought of confrontation. I'm grouchy and self-centered, and have few of the traits that William McKeever, in his curmudgeonly 1913 classic, Training the Boy, considered essential to manhood: "courageous action in the face of trying circumstances, cordial sympathy and helpfulness in all dealings with others, and a sane disposition toward the Ruler of All Life." I'm hardly qualified to be a role-model for three boys.

Many academics would consider my lack of manliness a good thing. They regard boys as thugs-in-training, caught up in a patriarchal society that demeans women. In the 1990s the American Association of University Women (among others) positioned boys as the enemies of female progress (something Christina Hoff Sommers exposed in her book, The War Against Boys). But the latest trend is to depict boys as themselves victims of a testosterone-infected culture. In their book Raising Cain, for example, the child psychologists Don Kindlon and Michael Thompson warn parents against a "culture of cruelty" among boys. Forget math, science and throwing a ball, they suggest—what your boy most needs to learn is emotional literacy.

Not only do I believe that trying to take the wildness out of boys is a doomed social experiment, but I'm certain that genetic scientists will eventually discover that males carry the Cowboy Gene.

But I can't shake the sense that boys are supposed to become manly. Rather than neutering their aggression, confidence and desire for danger, we should channel these instincts into honor, gentlemanliness and courage. Instead of inculcating timidity in our sons, it seems wiser to train them to face down bullies, which by necessity means teaching them how to throw a good uppercut. In his book Manliness, Harvey Mansfield writes that a person manifesting this quality "not only knows what justice requires, but he acts on his knowledge, making and executing the decision that the rest of us trembled even to define." You can't build a civilization and defend it against barbarians, fascists and playground bullies, in other words, with a nation of Phil Donahues.

Maybe the problem isn't that boys are aggressive, but that we've neglected their moral education. As Teddy Roosevelt wrote to one of his sons: "I would rather have a boy of mine stand high in his studies than high in athletics, but I would a great deal rather have him show true manliness of character than show either intellectual or physical prowess." Manliness, then, is not the ability to survive in the wilderness, or wield a rifle. But having such skills increases the odds that one's manly actions—which Roosevelt and others believed flow from a moral quality—will be successful.

The good father, then, needs to nurture his son's moral and spiritual core, and equip him with the skills he'll need to act on the moral impulse that we call courage. A real man, in other words, is someone who doesn't run from an Osama bin Laden. But he may also need the ability to hit a target from three miles out with a .50 caliber M88 if he wants to finish the job.

Not only do I believe that trying to take the wildness out of boys is a doomed social experiment, but I'm certain that genetic scientists will eventually discover that males carry the Cowboy Gene. That's my name for whatever is responsible for all the wrestling in my house, and the dunking during bath time, and my 5-year-old's insistence on wearing his silver six-shooters to Wal-Mart in order to protect our grocery cart. I only pray that when the Cowboy Gene is discovered, some well-meaning utopian doesn't try to transform it into a Tea Party Gene.

The trick is not to squash the essence of boys, but to channel their natural wildness into manliness. And this is what keeps me awake at night, because it's going to take a miracle for someone like me, who grew up without meaningful male influence, who would be an embarrassment to Teddy Roosevelt, to raise three men. Along with learning what makes a good father, I face an added dilemma: How do I raise my sons to be better than their father?

What I'm discovering is that as I try to guide these ornery, wild-hearted little boys toward manhood, they are helping me become a better man, too. I love my sons without measure, and I want them to have the father I did not. As I stumble and sometimes fail, as I feign an interest in camping and construction and bugs, I become something better than I was.

Father's Day, in our house, won't entail golfing or napping or watching a game. I'll probably have to contend with some trapped and irritated reptile. There's that cannon made of PVC that my oldest boy has been pestering me to help him finish. And the youngest two boys are lately enamored of climbing onto furniture and blindsiding me with flying tackles. Father's Day is going to be exhausting. But it will be good, because in the midst of these trials and joys I find my answer to the essential question on Father's Day. What makes a good father? My sons.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Tony Woodlief. "Boys to Men." The Wall Street Journal (June 15, 2007).

Reprinted by permission of the Wall Street Journal and the author, Tony Woodlief.

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A similar book, "The Dangerous Book for Boys" by Conn & Hal Iggulden, HarperCollins, sounds delightful. "In one- to four-page increments…(the book) provides instructions, drawings, narratives, and pictures on about 70 topics. Here boys can learn how to navigate at night by the stars, how to build a go-card, what are the famous battles of history, how to teach your dog to play dead, how to make an electromagnet…dinosaurs…how to make disappearing ink…how to make a timer and trip-wire…" etc. The authors have field-tested all the activities. From a review in National Review 6-25-07. p. 45.

What a wonderful way to tap into boys' natural interests and enthusiasm—and offer quality bonding time with dad. It's on our list of books to order!

What a marvelous idea for a book! It puts into action what G. K. Chesterton wrote in a 1906 magazine article:

*****
A child's instinct is almost perfect in the matter of fighting; a child always stands for the good militarism as against the bad. The child's hero is always the man or boy who defends himself suddenly and splendidly against aggression. The child's hero is never the man or boy who attempts by his mere personal force to extend his mere personal influence. In all boys' books, in all boys' conversation, the hero is one person and the bully the other. That combination of the hero and bully in one, which people now call the Strong Man or the Superman, would be simply unintelligible to any schoolboy....

But really to talk of this small human creature, who never picks up an umbrella without trying to use it as a sword, who will hardly read a book in which there is no fighting, who out of the Bible itself generally remembers the "bluggy" [bloody] parts, who never walks down the garden without imagining himself to be stuck all over with swords and daggers--to take this human creature and talk about the wickedness of teaching him to be military, seems rather a wild piece of humour. He has already not only the tradition of fighting, but a far manlier and more genial tradition of fighting than our own. No; I am not in favour of the child being taught militarism. I am in favour of the child teaching it.

This is quite interesting. This year's ordination candidates were asked the following question: "People would be surprised to know that I…"

…enjoy extreme skating, once installed & maintained a supercomputer at a large university.

…met Pope John Paul II…Was present in St. Peter's Square when Pope Benedict XVI was elected and introduced…Spent my first year of priestly formation living and serving in the Missions of Belize…dropped out of law school to pursue my priestly vocation…survived a helmetless motorcycle accident in Quito, Ecuador at the age of 15

…originally went to college with the hopes of becoming the following before entering seminary: a veterinarian, then a bio-chemical research scientist, then a theology professor.

...was named a vice-president at an advertising agency just as I finally realized that my true vocation was to the priesthood…Once I stopped resisting God's will for me and began to trust, I found peace. I have never been happier.

…graduated from a cooking school as a gastronome. I worked as a dietician, then a food warehouse manager, and finally a chef in a huge resort clinic-spa in the most famous resort town in Poland, Krynica-Zdroj(Springs-Spa).

…was part of a folklorico dance group…recognized by local, state, national, and international authorities of art.

…tried out for the Texas A&M football team and earned a B.S. in Meteorology from Texas A&M.

…am a cancer survivor.

…never really thought that I was called to be a priest…[I] wanted to work in law and politics…Through prayer and a devotion to the Eucharist, I realized that I had to set aside my own good intentioned plans for life, and follow God's promptings.

…actually am afraid of public speaking, but once I start I sometimes can't stop.

…am the first seminarian to study for the Diocese of Fairbanks who is from the diocese.

…lived in Egypt and travled extensively when working in oil field exploration and earned the job title Engineer with no formal engineering studies.

...love to water ski, wakeboard and snow ski

...have 9 brothers and sisters and 41 nephews and nieces

...had 2 car accidents within a year, totaled the vehicles both times and walked away unscathed

...restored an 1860 log cabin and use it for a retreat cottage for myself and others

...was deeply influened by Pope John Paul II at World Youth Day in Denver when he said, "Be not afraid... God has a special plan for your life... follow Him."

…was a very successful businessman prior to coming to the seminary.

…hated going to Catholic school as a kid and almost left the Church in college.

…used to own a hot-air balloon company.

…have a pilot's license and enjoy flying single engine planes.

…spent 16 years in the Air Force…I had a serious motorcycle accident requiring head surgery in the first week of 1st Theology and was back in class one week later.

…never thought about seriously about being a priest until my first semester at Harvard.

…spent my first two years of college living and studying independently in Rome in order to discern my vocation.

…resigned from my teaching job one semester short of tenure in order to enter the seminary.

…worked for a thoroughbred trade publication as managing editor of an investor newsletter that analyzed the racing and auction performance of stallions' offspring.

…was in a rock band

…graduated from the University of Notre Dame Law School…served as Editor-in-Chief of the Notre Dame Journal of Law, Ethics & Public Policy…been an Op-Ed contributor to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, as well as to Commonweal Magazine, America Magazine, and Salon.com, among other publications.

…was not sure if I was going to remain Catholic when I first entered college seminary…after Theology 101, Introduction to the Catechism, spending time in Adoration, and a homily on John 6, I then KNEW that the Catholic Church was the true Church and that I could never leave Her.

…was born at home, delivered by my father. I was premature and almost did not survive, and the doctors did not expect me to survive…I was baptised in the hospital.

...came to the United States for a vacation, to have a good time. God's sense of humor is so great that He only changed one letter so that vacation turned out to be a vocation; and the best time of my life is yet to come – as His priest!

…was an olympic hopeful in the sport of Curling

…was very happily married for 33 years.

…always wanted to be a priest, since I was a very young boy.

…am a pilot, a professional baseball umpire, and I love computers

…decided to enter the seminary while on a pilgrimage at World Youth Day 2000 in Rome.

…enjoy parachuting and bungee jumping.

…had a successful career in Information Technology in the U.S…recognized by international institutions such as the Smithsonian Institute, U.S. Embassy in Mexico, The University of London, The Netherlands Koninklijke Bibliotheek, National Geographic Society, The New York Times, and Stanford University among others.

…have over 25 years of experience in white-water rafting and have rafted some of the most exciting and remote rivers in the American west.

…like to brew beer, play ultimate frisbee,

…love playing in the dirt.

. . . stopped practicing my Catholic faith as a young teenager, and only returned to the Church (receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation) as a college student.

…am the only Catholic in my entire family, over six generations, still today.

…have already travelled to ten different countries and attended the Holy Mass in seven of these. This has given me a true experience of the universality of the Roman Catholic Church and the Holy Eucharist.

…spent 10 years as a mascot for the annual Pig Bowl, wearing a Pig costume.

…once worked as a bartender at a golf course, and considered other careers, such as politics or law.

…if adoration of the Blessed Sacrament were not available, I probably would have never considered a vocation to the priesthood.

...worked in law enforcement while discerning the priesthood.

…was one of thousands of Vietnamese refugees struggling with the cold, hunger, sickness, and loneliness in refugee camps in Hong Kong. Priests and nuns came to visit us, and I "met" Jesus in the examples of their dedication and service to the poor…

…am a farmer at heart.

…built custom computers and taught myself computer programming in high school while living on my parents' purebred beef ranch.

…spent twelve years as a teacher between college seminary and the theologate.

…in high school, declared myself an agnostic and abondoned the Catholic faith altogether…After experiencing a reawakening of my Catholic faith at the age of twenty eight, especially through the forgivness of Jesus Christ in the Sacrament of Penance and His Real Presence in the Eucharist, I began to hear anew God's calling to the priesthood.

…have been to a game at every major league baseball stadium.

…love listening to Greek cultural/folk music.

…thought about becoming a priest in 8th grade, but failed Latin and found girls the same year. I married in my early 20's, have two children, and my wife died over 5 years ago.

…was an All-Ohio football player in high school but always thought I was called to be a priest.

…served for 12 years as an Episcopal priest.

…I helped start TGW.com and did nto consider a vocation until college.

…was a diocesan seminarian from Vietnam. After the fall of Saigon, my seminary was closed, I tried to escape Vietnam to continue my vocation. But I was caught and put in labor camp for six months.

…graduated from the United States Naval Academy and served aboard nuclear submarines in the Pacific.

…received the call to the priesthood when I was 16 years while I was reading the story of the life Saint Therese of Lisieux.

…was a fisherman before entering the seminary

…enjoy traveling and baking

Source: http://www.usccb.org/vocations/ordination/2007/2007surprised.shtml

The local race track, Golden Sands Speedway, hosts a "Faster Pastor" Race every year. They invite local clergy, or parish representative, to the track, with the winning being the "Faster Pastor". It's a 1/3 mile track and we were given 4-cyl. Saturns with roll cages and helmets. They gave us 5 practice laps and the race itself was 5 laps. The Faster Pastor Race is the first of the night, followed by a full set other racers.

Yours truly was privileged to represent St. Peter's Church this year and finished in 2^nd Place. It was a great time, after all, how often does one get to race a car at top speeds for free before a full crowd? And I'm looking forward to going again next year!

God bless you! Phil Lawson For the latest info on St. Peter's, check out the parish website: www.saintpetercatholic.com (You can also find old editions of the Areopagus here)

The Areopagus is a regular email for adults that includes various reflections, tidbits, news and events. Hope you find it fruitful!

If you would like to be added to this list, send an email to lawsphil@gmail.com

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